while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
