Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
