Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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