if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
