I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
