It was confusing and full of hummus
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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