I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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