Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
