is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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