just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
