I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
