so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
