is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
