I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
