Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
