Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm getting married
To pizza
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You did what with his pubic hair?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
