she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
