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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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