If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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