Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
