my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
