you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
