my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
