she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
