Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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