I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
