so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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