I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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