Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
