and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
