And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So much rum. So many feels.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
