i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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