Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
