You're my little dorito
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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