I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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