Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
