my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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