Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
