Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
