Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
