My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
