she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
