Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
