he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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