I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this just has baby written all over it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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