that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
there is glitter all over my balls
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
