she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
