i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
