I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
