I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
